me
don’t you just hate it when you realize that somehow you have become the worst version of yourself? a patient of our service just died and i was actually happy that she died. on my way down from PACU, i just realized that i was happy at the fact that our patient died without even realizing that she is someone’s daughter, sister, and friend, that she mattered to the people around her, that someone thinks the world of her, that she is just like me. i really hated my self for being happy. i hated the fact that i was happy because i can go home early. i didn”t realize that her family would be mourning their loss, that her family still has to accept the fact that a few hours ago, they were still able to talk to her.
how did that happen? how come all of a sudden, i’ve become a person who places her own personal convenience over the life of someone. do i deserve to be here? is this job for me when in fact i think i have become the worst version of myself?
September 13th, 2006 at 8:42 am
We’re just human betchay…though we are doctors, we are entitled to get tired, exhausted, frustrated and everything-else-negative-ed even if lay people almost exclude us from being mortal. I guess the stress got on to you so much, that you somehow found happiness in realizing that you will get more rest for yourself because of the death.
Anyway, don’t worry. The fact that you were able to realize that you were probably thinking in the “wrong” direction is already proof of your being a conscientious doctor. =)
Pagod nga lang yan betch, at walang doktor na magiging kapaki-pakinabang kung mashado nang pagod sa paninilbihan. Hindi bawal sa atin ang pagpapahinga. =)